Shelley's BLOG

Subject:	The Secret to Understanding Human Behavior
	The success of The Secret, Dan Brown’s The Lost Symbol and the newly released movie Avatar offer strong evidence that everywhere and in every way people are realizing that our planet is composed of interconnected systems of energy and consciousness that extend far beyond the connections that we imagined in the past. At the center of this new understanding is the idea that every thought and everything is a bundle of potential energy, and that thoughts can become things. Unfortunately, this new understanding does not extend to our insights into human behavior.
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Subject:	Opportunity Out Of Obligation
	One principal source of difficult experiences in adult life is that we launch our daily activities without taking time to prepare and reflect. This single issue lies at the heart of much of the unpleasantness we experience in life. We charge headlong into potentially stressful situations without sufficient mental and emotional preparation or forethought. It's all about our expectations, when we come right down to it. Somehow we are stuck with wanting life to be 'perfect.'
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Subject:	The Three Most Powerful Letters
	We are surrounded by people whose minds are stuck in the linear, mechanical thinking of Descartes. This thinking is easily captured by two words: OR and BUT. Our use of these two words polarizes our thoughts; we engage in black and white thinking in which we are unable to recognize the power of AND thinking.
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Subject:	Attunement Beyond Alignment
	Just as I was resonating with the nature that surrounded me as on this day, I need to recognize that as an individual, this same state must also exist within me. I must be in harmony with the different aspects of myself, my mind, body, and spirit must all be in agreement, creating a chord that is pleasurable. A chord that, when heard, becomes music both to me and to those around me. Just as a chord is made up of separate notes that together bring richness and fullness to the ear of the listener, my beliefs, principles, and actions must be in tune with each other to bring a deep sense of self and satisfaction to my life. I need to recognize the transitions between notes, and if one note changes, adjust the others to maintain the harmony of the chord. My daily actions then become a song to my soul. My life has meaning beyond myself.
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Subject:	The Gift of Giving Back
	In his now famous poem and book All I Really Need to Know, I Learned in Kindergarten, Robert Fulghum points out that as children, we are all taught to share. We are taught to be generous and helpful toward others. Somewhere along the road to getting older and perhaps wiser, many of us forget this simple idea. We horde our time, our money, our love, our talents as if what we spend of them can never be replaced or there isn’t enough of them to go around. We act as if the only really important gifts we have to give to others must be store bought or the latest gadgets or expensive. Yet if we look back to kindergarten, we all remember a time when the best gifts came from within ourselves and were free. If I have learned nothing else from teaching in the jail, I have learned that the greatest gifts of all cannot be bought in stores; they are our time, our love, our freedom and our talents!
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Subject:	Role Play
	Role Play the Art of Listening Shelley A.W. Roy The catalyst in every situation is the mental picture or reference perception of a desire at that moment. Paradoxically it is the individual’s mentalities, pictures, expectations, which can form the biggest obstacles to success. As instructors we know that when there is a shift in thinking there is a shift in language. Therefore we structure our instruction around the changes in thinking and assess our success based on the changes in language.
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Subject:	The Minute and a Half Management System
	The Minute and a Half Management System By Shelley Roy Yesterday was a glorious day! I sat in my floatie, surrounded by the crystal clear waters of North Twin Lake, gazing at a perfect blue sky, reading an amazing book; My Stroke of Insight: A Brain Scientist’s Personal Journey by Jill Bolte Taylor, PhD. For months now I have been vexed by the prevailing views about emotions/feelings. I have been focusing on two positions: one, that they are arbitrary reactions based in external stimuli, and two, that until we get in touch with our feelings, we cannot resolve what we view as the negative past. A classic question asked during counseling sessions or in conversation with people who believe they are dealing with difficult situations, “How did that make you feel?” illustrates these positions. And now here I was, relaxing, trying to be in the moment and my reading brought me face to face with another’s thoughts about feelings.
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Subject:	Helping Children Find Their Own Power
	Many adults today find themselves frustrated by their inability to coerce children into acting, thinking and feeling as they want them to. Parents and teachers often ask me, “How do I help my children understand that I am acting in their best interests?” Sometimes this is followed by, “It is my job as the parent/teacher to help my children learn from my mistakes.” Adults who work with children have become very creative in their attempts to coerce children into behaving or being good. Yes, I said, “coerce!” No matter how kindly we may phrase our comments, “Look at how nicely Shelley is sitting.” or “If you sit in the cart and are quiet in the store, I’ll buy you a treat.” praising, rewarding, punishing, using guilt, being the buddy, yelling, spanking, shaming, and isolating are all forms of coercion.
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Subject:	Radio Broadcast
	A HUGE "Thank You!" to Michael John Smith. I always have fun being on your show the Morning Eye Opener on KNSI 1450am. To listen to the boradcast use this link. For a CD copy of this show or either of the other two broadcasts just email me.
Link:	http://shelleyawroy.com/radio.html
Subject:	Being in Control When You Feel Out of Control
	“To err is human; to manage error is system.” Kevin Kelly People sometimes use a common saying, “Things are out of control.” At other times, referring to a specific individual, they will say, “He is out of control.” or “She is out of control.” Perhaps, in describing your personal actions, you say, “I just can’t seem to control myself.” At the core of each of these statements is the idea that being “in control” is valuable and being out of control isn’t so great. The idea of being in control is wonderful as long as you are the one doing the controlling; it is when others want to control you or when you experience an inability to control someone or something that you don’t like the concept of control.
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Subject:	Conflict Resolution = Gowth
	Clinging + Crankiness + Crying = Conflict Conflict Resolution = Growth In PCT conflict is never between two individuals. It is an inability to resolve two conflicting 'wants', 'desires' or 'goals' at the same time by a single individual. For example I want to walk away but I want to stay. I want to hear what you have to say, but I have to leave. I want to stand-up for myself by punching you in the face and I want to maintain a good relationship with you. On the surface each of these situations appears impossible. How can I stay and go? How can I listen when I'm walking away? How can I punch you and have a good relationship with you? Most people view conflict as being between two individuals. When what you and I want is incompatible I am simple disturbance to you and you are disturbance to me. Remembering that conflict is internal can help you remain calm in some very difficult situations.
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Subject:	Spring is in the Air
	Spring has come to Minnesota at last… just yesterday looking outside into my backyard a big fat robin, one of the heralds of spring was pecking the ground enjoying the first seeds of the season. A warm feeling washed over me as I watched her slow progress across the yard. Then I notice my yard was full of robins I counted at least 30 grazing the grass. It was an amazing site and I took a moment to pause and enjoy nature in all her glory. Seeing a robin is thought to be a sign of new growth coming in many areas of your life. Imagine what seeing 30 must mean? I guess I’m going to see a lot of changes this year. It’s probably a good thing change is a subject I’m very familiar with.
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Subject:	Bullies
	When I hear the term “bully” I cringe because I know what typically will follow will be another set of labels that someone-- usually an adult--is going to give to the actions of others. In the 1960’s Stephen Karpman described what he called the drama triangle--placing individuals in three boxes on three points of a triangle and labeling them persecutor, victim, and rescuer.
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